Why Sleep Training is Not my Jam
Too often families are led to believe that sleep training is a necessary part of the parenting journey. It can be a really contentious issue in parenting groups, families, and even between partners.
Often referred to as Ferberization or "crying it out", sleep training is a behavioural method used to help children learn to sleep independently. Behind the term ferberize, Richard Ferber is best known for his 1985 book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems. His approach focuses on having a child practice falling asleep on their own and in some cases that may require leaving them to cry. Historically, the cry it out (CIO) method was used as a quick way to get infants or children falling asleep independently and consequently sleeping longer stretches. This became especially important for parents who had to go back to work shortly after a baby was born, in some cases as early as 9 weeks. With longer parental leaves and more parents working from home, I think now is a good time to examine this idea that in order to get more sleep we have to sleep train.
Too often families are led to believe that sleep training is a necessary part of the parenting journey. It can be a really contentious issue in parenting groups, families, and even between partners.
Often referred to as Ferberization or "crying it out", sleep training is a behavioural method used to help children learn to sleep independently. Behind the term ferberize, Richard Ferber is best known for his 1985 book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems. His approach focuses on having a child practice falling asleep on their own and in some cases that may require leaving them to cry. Historically, the cry it out (CIO) method was used as a quick way to get infants or children falling asleep independently and consequently sleeping longer stretches. This became especially important for parents who had to go back to work shortly after a baby was born, in some cases as early as 9 weeks. With longer parental leaves and more parents working from home, I think now is a good time to examine this idea that in order to get more sleep we have to sleep train.
When working with families, I don't promote behavioural sleep training BECAUSE:
It does not take into account other contributing factors to sleep disruptions, such as parental stress, age-appropriateness, timing, emotional wellbeing, or nutrition.
Children pick up on our energy, so if we're feeling unsure or nervous about what we are doing, our babies will sense this, often leading to more upset or confusion.
It can be confusing and emotionally exhausting for everyone.
Most often sleep training comes out of nowhere; when families are desperate and at a breaking point and so maintaining consistency can be challenging.
I suggest learning as much as you can about infant and child sleep before starting any changes. Find out what is age-appropriate and determine whether or not you can maintain consistency over a prolonged period of time. Trying one thing for a day or two and then something else, doesn't mean that what you are doing won't work, you may just have to tweak things slightly and be consistent for at least a week, to see positive change. Have conversations with your family about healthy sleep habits and most importantly understand that we are always more successful when we make small, incremental steps towards big goals!
Thanks for reading!
Jessica
Easing into September
It's hard to believe we are in the last week of August. For many families, the beginning of September means a huge shift in the timing of routines. The past six months have most likely led to later bedtimes and rise times, especially for our teenagers, and it is unfair and unrealistic to expect families to adjust easily and without some sort of practice.
Set yourself up for success by following these steps for a more easeful September:
It's hard to believe we are in the last week of August. For many families, the beginning of September means a huge shift in the timing of routines. The past six months have most likely led to later bedtimes and rise times, especially for our teenagers, and it is unfair and unrealistic to expect families to adjust easily and without some sort of practice.
Set yourself up for success by following these steps for a more easeful September:
1) Start by having everyone go to bed 15 minutes earlier every few nights until you reach your desired bedtime (see my recommendations below).
2) Start waking your kids 15 minutes earlier every few days, until you reach your desired wake time, even on the weekend!
3) Open the curtains and get outside first thing in the morning to help shift the circadian clock to an overall earlier schedule.
4) Be firm when devices need to be turned off. Everyone in the family needs a 30-minute buffer period before lights out to transition into a relaxed and calm state of mind necessary for the sleep process.
5) Refer to the chart below and layout the timing expectations for the whole family. Everyone always does better when they know what to expect. Furthermore, having a family discussion on the importance of sleep, and how it truly is a superpower for better learning, emotional well-being and sports performance, can do wonders for motivating kids to get into bed at an appropriate hour.
6) Finally, remember that consistency is key! The more regular your bedtime, the easier it will be to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Sleep Recommendations and Age-Appropriate Bedtimes for Families
Nighttime (hrs) Daytime (hrs) Bedtime
2 years 11 2 (1 nap) 7:30 pm
3-4 years 10.5 1.5 (1 nap) 7:30-8 pm
5-9 years 10-11 0 7:30-8 pm
10-13 years 10 0 8:30-9:30 pm*
14+ years 8-10 0 9:30-11:00 pm*
* Work backwards from your ideal morning wake. For example, if you have a lower sleep needs 15-year old, that needs to be up by 7 am for school, they need to be asleep by 11 pm. This means that devices should be off by 10:30 pm. A higher sleep needs adolescent may need to be asleep by 10 pm.
Sleep is truly the foundation for overall health and well-being. It is especially important for adolescents and children. They need sleep to grow, to heal, to focus in school, for memory retention and to help them process and manage emotions. Sleep is also an essential component for a strong immune system and maintaining a healthy weight. As we begin a new season, practice prioritizing sleep in your family!
Thank you for reading!
Jessica
Photo Credit: @sarahtacomaphotography
Understanding Your Natural Sleep System
Sleep is the foundation for our health and wellbeing. If we aren’t sleeping well we are more susceptible to illness, our bodies have a harder time healing from injuries and we can feel foggy, irritable, and anxious. Most importantly, a lack of sleep has a major impact on our mood, memory, productivity, and decision-making skills. It can also feel impossible to have the motivation to exercise or the discipline to make healthy food choices when we are sleep deprived. The Public Health Agency of Canada reports that “1 in 2 adults have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep” and that “1 in 5 adults do not find their sleep refreshing” (Canada, 2019).
Sleep is the foundation for our health and wellbeing. If we aren’t sleeping well we are more susceptible to illness, our bodies have a harder time healing from injuries and we can feel foggy, irritable, and anxious. Most importantly, a lack of sleep has a major impact on our mood, memory, productivity, and decision-making skills. It can also feel impossible to have the motivation to exercise or the discipline to make healthy food choices when we are sleep deprived. The Public Health Agency of Canada reports that “1 in 2 adults have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep” and that “1 in 5 adults do not find their sleep refreshing” (Canada, 2019).
“Movement is paramount to creating the right amount of sleep pressure to fall asleep easily and stay asleep.”
Natural sleep and wake cycles are informed by two biological systems. The circadian clock determines the best timing of sleep, especially REM sleep, and the timing of our alertness. It is driven by light. One method to strengthen your internal clock is to surround yourself with lots of natural light during the day, to get outside at least once, and to dim the lights at night. The second system is the sleep driver and it determines one’s ability to fall asleep easily and to stay asleep. Some strategies for building sleep pressure, or the sleep driver, are to get out of bed as soon as you wake up and to make sure you move your body every day. Movement is paramount to creating the right amount of sleep pressure to fall asleep easily and stay asleep. Even if the weather or an injury is preventing you from your normal active lifestyle, just doing laps around your house or apartment, or going up and down the stairs is sufficient. The recommended amount of time to move is only 20 minutes a day!
“Everyone confronts a few bad nights here and there.”
When we experience sleep difficulties, it is the result of a precipitating factor impacting these two biological systems. This precipitating factor could be caring for ageing parents or an ill partner, having young children, experiencing hormonal changes, anxiety, stress, or trauma. Experiencing sleep disruptions from these situations are normal. Everyone confronts a few bad nights here and there, perhaps even as much as once a month. It becomes a chronic sleep issue when it is happening a few times a week for a month or more.
“Chronic sleep issues develop in relation to how an individual responds to sleep disruptions.”
Chronic sleep issues develop in relation to how an individual responds to sleep disruptions. When we’ve had a string of ‘bad nights’, it is common to manage the fatigue during the day with coffee or to try and catch up on lost sleep by napping or going to bed early. A reliance on sleeping aids may develop or alternatively, we may lie in bed awake for hours on end, creating a negative sleep association between our brain and bed. Over time we start to think we are bad sleepers, and pretty soon our beliefs begin to inform our reality. In effect, it is these beliefs and coping strategies that negatively impact the biological systems that allow us to sleep naturally.
All is not lost though. There are ways to reset your sleep cycle and improve your sleep quality.
My top five tips for improving your sleep are as follows:
Practice accepting that it is normal to have nights of imperfect sleep. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults get between 7-9 hours of sleep a night, however, everyone is different and you may be on the lower end of the range. HOW you feel in the morning is a better measure of your sleep quality than a number.
Do NOT stay in bed awake – our brains are very associative and will quickly make a connection between wakefulness and the bed. Get out of bed if it has been longer than 20 minutes of lying awake and then only return to your bed when you feel sleepy.
Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up around the same time, even on weekends.
Instead of napping, try going for a walk or do a Yoga Nidra guided meditation for deep relaxation. It is natural to have a dip in energy in the early afternoon, but these activities will give you a boost, without compromising your sleep pressure.
Keep your sleeping space calm, tidy, dark, and cool (18-20 °C). Your body needs to drop in temperature in order to sleep.
Thanks for reading!
Jessica
The Benefits of Taking a Break
I find this time of year super challenging. There is so much to remember, there are a lot of expectations, there are traditions that need to be withheld even when it just doesn't feel like the right time (read decorate Christmas tree when everyone is cranky, tired and hungry). It feels like there is never enough time in the day to check off all the items on the endless task list.
The Benefits of Taking a Break
I find this time of year super challenging. There is so much to remember, there are a lot of expectations, there are traditions that need to be withheld even when it just doesn't feel like the right time (read decorate Christmas tree when everyone is cranky, tired and hungry). It feels like there is never enough time in the day to check off all the items on the endless task list.
For me the first thing to go when I am busy and stressed is prioritizing a break. I am literally like a whirling dervish (my kids and husband will verify this) going from one thing to the next without stopping for a breath, a sip of water or sometimes even lunch. For most of us, this endless movement from one activity to another, or in most of our cases, from one distraction to another, isn't just an issue at busy times of year like Christmas, this is our daily, monthly, yearly reality.
Last week I listened to an amazing episode of SPARK with Norah Young where she discussed the need for solitude in our fast paced and technology riddled lives. As a sleep consultant, I see a huge connection between the little time we spend alone and our struggles to fall or stay asleep.
How can we expect to slip into sleep each night if we haven't given our nervous system and brain an opportunity to just pause and process, to sift through memories and ideas, to just be with ourselves?
When we do get into bed and turn off the light, what is the first thing that is going to happen? Our brain is going to take that opportunity to do what it has been waiting to do all day - process, review, sift and formulate new ideas or ways in which to solve a problem. This may not happen the second your head hits the pillow, but you may meet it later in the night, when you can't fall back to sleep after waking to use the bathroom.
We live in a time where we are rarely spend time alone in our own minds. If we are stuck in a lineup, we pick up our phone. We eat lunch at our computers and listen to podcasts when walking the dog. When our older kids aren't at school or activities, they tend to be on devices or watching TV. When we do finally get into bed at night (sleep procrastination will be next month's topic!), most of us are scrolling through instagram or watching Netflix. We are constantly inundated with distractions and "noise" and I feel this is taking a huge toll on ability to sleep well.
We don't know how to be bored anymore, or in other words, we no longer have those precious moments where we just let our mind wander.
I am not writing this to point fingers, as I know this struggle well. I have tasted those moments of reverie though and it feels really good. I know if I prioritize a pause, a break, time to just be, I see an improvement in my mood, the ability to be present for my family and the quality of my sleep. Start with just 5 minutes each day. Pick something that feels easy and at a time that feels manageable.
Here are my Top 5 Favourite Ways to invite this break into my day:
Walking in Nature.
Taking a Bath (trifecta of benefits - relaxes your muscles and helps to lower your body temperature; necessary for the sleep process).
Shivasana at the end of a really good yoga class.
Yoga Nidra or iRest for Peace and Well Being.
Live Awake meditation "Remembering Your Stillness" by Sarah Blondin.
Good luck and remember this is about practice not perfection. Thank you Sarah Tacoma for your lovely photographs. Thank you to all of you for your continued interest in sleep health!
Thanks for reading!
Jessica